Birds freak me out. They’re always flying at my head, or staring at me weird, or hopping across the road really fast so I won’t run them over even though I’m sitting in my car screaming “YOU CAN FLY!!!”
Sometimes it’s nice to hear them sing. Some of them are nice to listen to. I like the cheeseburger birds. If you don’t know what those are, they’re the birds that say “cheese-bur-ger” or sometimes they actually say “cheese-bur-ger-bird”. Duh, that’s why they’re called cheeseburger birds. (Speaking of “duh” I heard someone say it at school today and I automatically thought “Winning”. Curse you, Charlie Sheen!)
You know which birds aren’t nice to listen to? The birds that sound like people pretending to be birds. You know the ones. You’re walking through a parking lot at the grocery store and you hear “CAW!” and you have to look around because you’re not sure if there’s a crazy person making bird noises at you or if there’s a creepy crow stalking you on one of those giant parking lot lights.
I was once sitting outside of Taco Del Mar in Bend, enjoying some nachos, and this bird flew over and sat on the chair next to me. Didn’t even ask if it was taken! Typical bird. They’re so yucky.
I like swans though. They’re so pretty but man, they’ll peck your face right off. Awesome.
Plus, I once got hit in the head by a bat… not a baseball bat. A bat bat. I know it’s not technically a bird but it flies so it was creepy. Actually, I can’t remember if it hit me in the head and then hit Shelly in the arm or if it was the other way around. Either way, it was traumatic.
There’s no good closing line for this piece of work.